Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
there's paper in my vomit.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
