I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
