i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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