The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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