What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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