I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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