My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Did I show you my penis last night?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Found your dick twin last night
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
