I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
