I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
