take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
