just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Is it penis luge time yet?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize