Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize