My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
