just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
