VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
