so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
