tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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