dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
