I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Everclear isn't food dammit
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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