No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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