Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Randomize
