Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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