walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
