hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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