can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
