drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
