I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
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