And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
