I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
