So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
