made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
