need another drink. this is the easiest way
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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