I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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