You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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