This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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