Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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