I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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