Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the day after is always just damage control
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
