He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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