thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
