I want to have your abortion
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
