i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
