Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
