mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
