you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
