i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
