I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
