I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
