So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
