If i come over, it means nothing
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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