when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
