just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize