If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
