you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
