and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
