and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
