omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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