We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
