dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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