I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
