you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
