I met the friendliest cop last night
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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