Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
