I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
They have beer where we have blood.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
