He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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