i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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