Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize