She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
