she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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