Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
