Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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