Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
