i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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