she looked like the before picture.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize