The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
