Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
