I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
